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One of my pet peeves is hearing people, especially those in the broadcast media, use a particular word to emphasize their point, but use the incorrect definition of the word. Two such words are prototype and literal.

How many times have you heard a sports broadcaster describe a player as “the prototype of an NFL quarterback” or “the prototypical Major League closer”? The idea they are trying to convey is that the player has all the physical skills and attributes desired of that position. However, the word prototype does not mean that at all. A prototype is an unfinished, often nonfunctioning, novelty. The prefix, proto-, means “first” or “earliest form of”.

When manufacturers develop a new product, they often build a prototype for display and demonstration before continuing with full production. In this age of rapidly advancing technology, we hear the word prototype all the time. “Within a year, they produced a prototype of the stealth fighter.” “The trade show was full of interactive prototypes.” Can I buy this product now? “No, it’s just a prototype.” Those comments are all proper usages of the word.

However, when a broadcaster means to laud an athlete’s abilities, the correct word is archetype, which means the completed model of perfection, the principle example. Archetype is certainly not a word in common usage, although the prefix is commonly known in words such as archenemy, archrival, and archbishop.

The word literal imparts strict interpretation of the words used, by the letter, the exact meaning, verbatim. Literal is the functional opposite of figurative or metaphorical. Broadcasters, however, seem to use the words literal and literally, merely for emphasis. Vehix.com currently has a TV commercial running, in which the prospective car buyer extols the virtues of the website. She says, “You can literally take a test drive!” I think not. Perhaps you can virtually take a test drive.

I’ve also heard descriptions in the media such as “Literally every crumb was gone.” Really? I think practically every crumb was gone, unless the dog cleaned up afterward. “Her house was literally filled to the ceiling with stuffed animals.” Maybe her house was filled, figuratively speaking, to the ceiling. “The forwards on this basketball team can literally jump through the roof!” They’d be medical marvels! Another sportscaster described a team’s strategy against a formidable goalie by saying, they should “literally get in his shorts.” I think that would be a penalty. Another broadcaster informed us that a particular player “literally carries the weight of his team on his shoulders.” He’s obviously in the wrong sport.

Earlier this week Scott Van Pelt on ESPN was describing the Boston Celtics’ standing in the NBA playoff race. His meaning was that there wasn’t much of a chance that they could improve or worsen their position, so he said that they could “literally take their foot off the gas and coast” to the playoffs. It was a clever metaphor ruined by the misuse of the word literal.

I remember a scene from the movie, The Princess Bride. Vizzini, who is amazed at his pursuer’s tenacity, repeatedly describes the situation as inconceivable. Finally, his partner, Montoya, calls Vizzini’s attention to it: “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.” He isn’t the only one who needs a dictionary.

Tags: Humor, Opinion, Sports by BrokenClaw
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The NCAA Division I men’s basketball tournament is one of the most exciting sporting events in the US. Unlike the NBA playoffs, what makes the college tourney so fascinating is that every game is an elimination match. On the first 4-day weekend games are played throughout the day as the field gets whittled down from 64 teams to 16 teams. The remaining teams are called the Sweet Sixteen.

The original meaning of that expression probably dates back to the 19th century in the US, referring to the 16th birthday party for girls, as a coming-of-age celebration. It’s an odd association for men’s basketball to begin with, since none of the participants are girls or are 16. But the alliterative expression has been around for a long time and isn’t going away.

On the second weekend of the tournament, the 16 teams get reduced to four. Those final four teams are called the Final Four. Not a very imaginative description, but it has similar alliteration as Sweet Sixteen and rolls off the tongue nicely. The Final Four then play the next weekend, into Monday, to decide the champion.

Now here’s where it gets silly. Some years ago, someone decided that they needed a moniker for the eight teams that remain after the initial round of the Sweet Sixteen weekend. The term Elite Eight has been used in basketball tournaments for a long time, such as the Illinois high school playoffs and the NCAA Division II playoffs. But in both of those cases, the eight teams had a specific association to the eight regions that qualified for the tournament. In the NCAA Division I, the eight teams are just a temporary position on Friday night. The Sweet Sixteen has a weekend, and the Final Four has a weekend. Why do we need a name for the half-way point?

The phrase Elite Eight doesn’t even have the pizzazz of Sweet Sixteen and Final Four. Sure, it has the quasi-alliteration of the initial E, but the pronunciation isn’t even the same. Elite starts with a long E, while Eight starts with the sound of a long A. And it surely doesn’t roll of the tongue. You have to pronounce the final T sound in Elite before pronouncing Eight, which makes it jerky.

Personally, I think Eight Elite would improve its aesthetic quality. Try it. Say “Elite Eight” three times. Then say “Eight Elite” three times. Don’t you agree that Eight Elite rolls off the tongue better? It’s because you can cheat on the pronunciation and make the T in Eight sound like a D, as in A-da-leet. If you try that with Elite Eight, it comes out as Ely-date. Not good.

Say it often. Google it. Eight Elite! Eight Elite! Eight Elite!

Tags: Humor, Sports by BrokenClaw
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Also read about Hardware and Software.

Firmware

Once the ware terminology was established in computer science, other forms of the word have come into usage. Between hardware and software comes firmware. Firmware is the term used to describe the software which is embedded onto the circuits of hardware. Unlike normal software, users have no control over, or access to, the firmware. On a personal computer, the BIOS is part of the firmware. However, firmware gets the most attention as a component of other digital devices, such as game consoles, portable media players, and cell phones. The firmware determines what the device can and cannot do.

From the user’s standpoint, the firmware becomes an issue when the hardware manufacturer adds features to a device. In order for the old equipment to have the same functionality as the new equipment, the manufacturer will issue a firmware update. The update is a piece of software which the user downloads from the Internet and runs as instructed. On cell phones, firmware updates come directly over the cell phone network.

Middleware

Middleware is a descriptive term to describe a certain class of software which is designed to bridge the gap, sometimes called an interface, between two distinct applications. For example, middleware may be needed to connect a database to a web server. Or a manufacturer may need middleware to connect its production machinery’s software to its accounting software. Obviously, it is used exclusively in enterprise software and has little meaning to the home user.

Other ware

Other forms of ware evolve as tongue-in-cheek derivatives.

Bloatware is the term used to describe software packages that contain lots of features and applications that you would never use, especially those which constantly run in the background where you don’t even know they’re turned on, but they slow your computer down with no apparent advantage to your computing experience. In other words, they are bloated for the sake of sounding comprehensive with no real added value. The term is often applied to software packages for Internet security, or media players, or document readers.

Crapware is the term used to describe software which is either poorly written, or is difficult to use, or has little value, or has competitors’ software which is vastly superior for the same price. The origin of the word is self-explanatory. It is sometimes used to describe the software that comes pre-installed on new computers, which are often trial versions, or the software that comes free with peripheral devices such as printers.

Lieware is just as it name implies. It is the term used to describe software which doesn’t do what it claims to do. It may be just poorly written software, which doesn’t live up to expectation. Or it may be nefarious software which is purposely designed to mislead you, for example, as a way to get you to install spyware or malware.

Sneakerware is really an un-ware. It is a term used to describe a method of data transfer that is not done electronically. In other words, you have to walk the data (in sneakers) from one place to another. In the early days of personal computers, it was the floppy disc, carried from one computer to another.

A hot topic of technology today is the concept of receiving video from the Internet and playing it on your television. There are a variety of operations which can do this, but none of them are ready for prime time and the public at large. They all involve some rather techie manipulations of hardware and software. One company came out with a new product, which allows you to move the video from your computer onto their box, and then you connect their box to the TV. I heard a reviewer on a podcast describing the system. Because the box is never connected simultaneously to both the computer and the TV, the reviewer said it was an example of sneakerware.

Vaporware is the term used to describe a product which has been described but doesn’t exist. For example, a company may have a press release, or have a mock-up at a conference, of a product they intend to bring to market in the future. Technology aficionados have become skeptics with such things, and generally take a wait-and-see attitude, so until the product actually works and is produced for sale, it remains in the vapor.

Warez

Warez is an underground term used to describe the illegal distribution of pirated software. It is pronounced as the plural of ware, as in, show me your warez. You don’t need to know anything else about it except that it is illegal.

For more types of ware, see Adware, Spyware, Malware.

Tags: Humor, Software, Tech Explained by Smilodon
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In general terms, digital means that information is contained in discrete elements, with nothing in between. For example, a digital clock with an Hour:Minute display shows you the time as discrete elements of minutes. By glancing at the clock once, you cannot tell how close you are to the next minute. There is no in-between. A digital clock can not only show you the time, it can also tell you the time. Since digital time is just a number and not an abstract point in time, it can transfer that information easily to other devices.

The opposite of digital is analog. With an analog clock, with hands in constant motion, you can see how far past or close you are to a minute. The analog clock can show you the time, but it cannot tell you the time. In other words, it can’t transfer its information to another device. Think of the old cartoon time bomb with an alarm clock attached. The bomb has no idea when it’s going to go off. It has to wait for the alarm clock to ring.

For a slightly more technical explanation, read Digital Bits and Bytes.

Baseball is digital

A baserunner can only be on first base, second base, or third base. He can’t be on 1 and a half base. A batter can have a count of 0, 1, 2, or 3 balls, 0, 1, or 2 strikes. There’s no such thing as 2 and half balls. There can only be no outs, 1 out, or 2 outs. You can stop a game for rain, come back, look at the scorebook, and put the game in exactly the same condition. They do it all the time.

Football is analog

The ball is placed on the field where the play ends. Football records are digital, by downs and yards and points, but the play of the game is analog. If a team has the ball with 2nd and 7 at the 35 yard line, can you reproduce that by the numbers? No, not without seeing exactly where the ball and the chain were located between the yard markers. The field can show you the precise location, but it can’t tell you the precise location. The officials demonstrate this limitation every time they use the chain to measure for a first down or move the ball at the end of the first and third quarters.

Basketball wants to be digital

Sports that use a clock, like basketball, have used digital clocks for a long time. Sports fans over 50, or anyone who’s seen the movie, Hoosiers, knows that the time clock for basketball games used to be an analog sweep second clock on the wall. But everyone switched to digital clocks in the 1960s. With a digital time clock, you can see how many seconds are left in the game. But even that has proved insufficient, since the clock can stop and start between ticks of a second. As a result, they now use a digital clock with tenths of a second as the game winds down.

Table Games

Most table games, like checkers, chess, Scrabble®, and Battleship®, are digital in nature. In other words, the pieces on the board are placed at specific positions. That’s why they are easily converted to computer simulations. But you can’t play pick-up-sticks on the computer, because it depends on analog placement and movement of the pieces.

Tags: Digital, Humor, Sports, Tech Explained by Smilodon
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The cyber-toothed tiger, Smilodon cyberis, was the last surviving species of the genus Smilodon: Class Mammalia » Order Carnivora » Suborder Feliformia » Family Felidae – prehistoric saber-toothed cats easily identified by the extreme size of their maxillary canine teeth, that roamed North and South America for millions of years.

Most of the smilodons became extinct shortly after the first native Americans migrated across the continent about 10,000 years ago. Their extinction may have been indirectly facilitated by the influx of humans and the extinction of other large fauna. Many skeletal specimens have been recovered from the La Brea tar pits in Los Angeles County, California.

Smilodon cyberis was able to survive by retreating to the protection of the high Sierra. In constant search of food, the cyber-toothed tigers found passage through the mountains and onto the grassy plains. There they found vast herds of bison and were able to adapt to new quests as the king of their eco-space for thousands of years. When Europeans began to populate the continent, unfounded stories of Smilodon put it somewhere between fairy tale and legend as a manhunter, which was diametrically opposed to its leisurely existence.

During the gold rush of 1849 and beyond, adventurers traversing the plains continued to report sightings of the cyber-toothed tiger as a living species of the frontier, although none were ever taken into captivity. The earliest known publication of real evidence of the cyber-tooth was printed in the Lawrence Kansas Daily Tribune in February 1856. A retired Army officer, Colonel Gabriel, displayed a cyber-toothed tiger hide, complete with skull and one broken tooth, that he had acquired several years earlier from an Indian in the Nebraska Territory.

Soon thereafter the railroads brought swarms of men with firearms, a lethal improvement over the native Americans’ bow, and the bison were an easy target. Within a few decades the herds of bison were hunted to near-extinction. Without their primary source of food, Smilodon cyberis could not survive.

Always read the fine print: This fictitious account is a tribute to Sierra adventure games.

Tags: Humor by Smilodon
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In case you hadn’t noticed, the FIFA Women’s World Cup tournament is in full swing in China. We all know that football is the most popular sport in the world. That’s soccer to those of us in the USA, and since this article is about the USA, I will call it soccer. Last month I wrote an article about youth soccer, but this time I’m thinking about soccer as a spectator sport.

I remember listening to a sports talk radio program during the men’s World Cup. The host was interviewing a spokesperson from the local Major League Soccer team. Naturally the conversation turned immediately to the topic of why soccer has never caught on as a spectator sport in the US, and will probably never be able to compete with football. The spokesperson said that people need to see the game and learn about each player’s strengths, in the same way that fans of football know the difference between a defensive lineman and a running back. By knowing more about individual players, the fan can appreciate the subtleties of individual play. Hmmm… that makes sense, but who’s going to sit through a bunch of games to try and do that? Sorry, not me.

Then the host brought up the issue with scoring. Sports fans in the US love to see scoring, he said, and soccer just doesn’t have enough scoring to get fans excited. You could tell that the soccer spokesperson was tired of answering that question. He responding in a slightly sarcastic tone with something like, “If we made a goal worth seven points, would that make it more exciting?” And then he added, “A 3-2 game in soccer has just as much scoring as a 21-14 game of football.” Well… not quite.

Technically, a 7-point touchdown consists of two separate plays — the touchdown and the extra point. So a 21-14 football game has at least ten scoring plays. And that’s the real difference. On every single play in football, either team can score. There is always the possibility of the defense intercepting a pass or recovering a fumble and scoring themselves. Every play. In soccer, when the ball is at one end of the field, there’s no way a guy is going to kick it into the other goal. The goalie might as well be having a snack. In football, every player is involved in every play.

So I sat down and actually watched a whole game from the World Cup. What a surprise, the score ended nil-nil. That’s zero-zero. No goals. Nada. Zilch. In fact, there were three games played that day. Two of them ended 0-0, and the other one ended 1-0. The only goal scored that day was scored on a penalty kick. Gee, I wish I had watched that game instead. I imagine there were quite a few exciting close calls, too, with corner kicks and such. Are the goalies that good?

So what’s with the goalie thing anyway. In a sport which touts itself as true football, why is the most prominent player on the field, with his colorful costume, allowed to use his hands? Doesn’t that make it handball? And another thing, what’s up with the flops that players take whenever someone bumps them? It seems like it’s part of the game, to pretend someone made you fall down on the grass. What’s up with that? In football, if you get knocked down and don’t get up, your team gets penalized.

But let’s get back to that facetious suggestion of making a goal worth more points. It might not be such a bad idea. Not just to make it worth more, but to have varying points based on how the goal is scored. For example, if a goal is scored from outside the penalty box, make it 3 points. That would include corner kicks that go in untouched by another offensive player. That would be cool. For goals scored from within the penalty box, you get 2 points. And penalty kicks would be 1 point. Hey, it’s beginning to sound like basketball. Then you’d have some excitement.

Imagine a team with a 2 point lead in the closing minutes of play. The opposing team could still take the lead with a long goal. The leading team can’t just play keep-away like they do now. If the opponent gets the ball deep, should they commit an intentional foul and give the opponent a penalty kick? Hey, I’m beginning to like this soccer thing… oh, wait, it’s imaginary soccer.

While doing a little (very little) research for this article, I typed www.worldcupsoccer.com into my browser. Sure enough, there’s an unofficial fan site there with pictures and links and stories. The headline reads, “Brazil Champions!” Uhhh… wasn’t that 2002? Isn’t Italy the reigning champion since 2006? Yeah… apparently even the soccer fans lose interest.

Earlier this year, ESPN started a campaign to advertise their coverage of Major League Soccer. They used the slogan, “You’re a fan, you just don’t know it yet.” Sorry, I’m not, and I know it.

Tags: Humor, Sports by BrokenClaw
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